I am climbing out of the hole known as depression. Getting out of the funk and start living again is my goal. I will NOT let the fear of COVID ruin my life and my health, both physical and mental.
Drowning In Guilt
As many of you know, during the beginning of the COVID lockdown I went south to my beach house to be close to my mother. Not that it really helped because she didn’t want me around (for fear of giving her the COVID, plus she is a loner and likes it). She died alone from a heart attack. So not only do I have to deal with the “business of dying”, I am overcome with guilt. The “what ifs” are literally tearing me apart.
Nothing Is Easy
On top of the overwhelming guilt and sadness, the business of dying has become so much more difficult due to the COVID lockdown. It is hard to talk to an actual person if there are even people working. Funerals and visitations that help with closure were not allowed.
So I Turned To My Best Friends- Sugar And Alcohol
So I turned to my best friends, alcohol, and sugar. I had worked so hard with my sugar detox and losing weight. Now with additional 20 lbs on top of the 40 I already needed to lose, it is a huge hole to climb out.
Not only am I overweight with all the negative feelings that go along with that (my fat clothes are getting tight) my overall physical health is declining. Digestion issues that I had under control are back, worse than ever. I have no energy and no desire to do..anything.
Coming To Jesus Moment
As a blogger, you are “required” to take photos of yourself so your audience can build a relationship with a real person. I found I could not look at the person in the photo. That person was sad, overweight, and lost. My “Coming To Jesus” Moment, I need help.
Power Of Prayer
I have always been a believer and know the power in prayer. Having made my morning prayers a part of my life for many years, I turned to the only one who could help me. I am so used to praying for others. For some reason, I have this magnet that draws random strangers to me, and they share their “stories”. As an introvert, this is weird and uncomfortable. Just yesterday I prayed in the Home Depot for the guy who mixes the paints. He is struggling with his mom’s cancer and lack of available treatment. The same day, I prayed for a friend who struggling with depression. I believe in the power of prayer and I will pray for those who are in need, whether it is in public or privately during my quiet time.
Why Can’t I Pray For Myself
My mother, with all her faults, was a true believer and stressed the power of prayer. One thing she always said, God doesn’t listen to generalities, be specific. Be strong enough in your faith to pray for exact things, make a list. What God does with that list, is up to him. So that is what I did, made a list of the things I needed God to help me within my life.
When the time came for my morning devotion, I couldn’t pray for myself. I tried, multiple times…. So I turned to a sweet friend of mine who is wonderful and is not judgemental. She too has struggled with praying for herself. She prayed with me, thru my list. I can’t begin to tell you the peace that comes over you when you ….Give it to God.
God Has Got The Big Picture- It Is Time For Personal Responsibility.
I start to make a plan to get my physical health back under control. It starts with getting control of my sugar…. again. This time it was not near as hard as the past. I did a two-week sugar fast. What I found was that I did not miss it.
Start Living Again- Get Moving
Next, get moving was on my list. I started with walking. First twenty minutes on the treadmill, working up to 45 minutes. This was harder than I thought. To help, I moved to walk outside. The weather during the Spring this year has been incredible. Walking the trails helped not only build back my energy but enjoying the beauty and tranquility of nature help clear my mind. With the HOT summer, the treadmill has been a blessing.
Start Living Again- Make A Weight Loss Plan
Finally, a plan to lose weight. My daughter had been extremely successful on the Ketogenic Diet. She has lost over 30 lbs and looks great and has so much more energy. With her help, I have started the diet. I am only on week 2. I have lost 5 lbs but feel great, sleeping like a baby, no cravings, and have so much more energy. On a later post, I will share more with you.
Finally- Staying Away From Negative People
I don’t know what it is about the COVID, but people who are usually the most kind have turned into raging, hateful maniacs. Add politics on top of that, and it is got out of hand. So I am cleaning my life of negative people. I no longer watch TV news or program that I find negative. Deleted Twitter from my phone. I am still working on limiting my Facebook viewing. But I have no problem limiting my Facebook feed from an angry post.
Check Your Heart!
The few people I do have contact with, if they get “out of control” with the negative talk, I will call them out. CHECK YOUR HEART! If you don’t have anything to say nice, don’t say anything at all. At the same time, I am very conscious of the words that come out of my mouth.
I am still having trouble praying for myself, it is on the “Work In Progress” List. Keeping busy with my new health goals and projects around the house. Limiting my exposure to others for COVID, but when I do go out, masked up, I tried to be positive and encouraging. When the negative start to creep in, SATAN GO AWAY.